Tuesday, November 9, 2010

November 9

This is kind of a cruddy day for me, since it marks two months since Quinn came and went. I've been writing down all the events and emotions that were crammed into that time, but it takes a good bit of emotional energy to make myself do that, even though I know it is important. I was back in Quinn's room this morning, journaling about how we had to tell our other children the sad news.

For six hours one Thursday morning, we had four children. Now how am I supposed to answer the get-to-know-you question "How many kids do you have?" The first time, it took me by complete surprise. "Three," I stammered to the clerk at the pharmacy, and then ran for the door. I don't remember if I put on a bright smile for her or not, but I know the tears were streaming as soon as I hit the parking lot.

My mom called this morning and asked how I was doing. She had some other sad news for us. A cousin lost her baby this morning, mid-way through pregnancy. It seems everywhere we turn right now, people we know are facing unexpected outcomes with their babies. I don't have a lot of words to say about it. God, help us.

I cannot collect all my thoughts and emotions, but one thing I know: God is holy.

Whew. I can't stay too long in an emotionally heavy moment, so I'm posting some pictures that make me laugh. Here's Owen, being his goofy self. There is no love of a pose in this boy's heart, although he is acutely interested in seeing himself in my camera window.
Here's Jack, looking like he's ready for shuffleboard. Meet you after coffee?
And Helen, with the pink princess castle cake she wanted for her birthday.


heather said...

Oh Joyce~Grieving takes so much blessed time. UCK! It seems like it goes and comes doesn't it? Triggers are everywhere. So heartbroken for you and Jenny right now. Love you!

Thanks for the cute pictures~your kids are growing so fast and sweet.

Sabrina said...

Joyce, my heart hurts for you. I am still praying.

Herbert Family said...

Thinking of you today!

Grandma Ruby said...

We are here for you, Joyce. I don't know the right words to say. Some day you may be able to say you have three living children and one child with Jesus. I don't know when that will be for you. I'm still learning how to say we have 11 grandchildren and one is in heaven. We love them all. And these cute photos of your three living children are so precious!

Wynette said...

I want to come up there and give you a really big hug...we had no idea life was going to be so hard did we? Not when all we could think about was our bratty brothers and that cute boy at school! =) I love you so much!

sherri said...

Joyce, I appreciate your honesty and "realness" so much and am certain that it is very difficult to write about the pain...to relive it over and over again...especially when it happens to others in our family as well.

May you and Jenny feel His loving arms holding you, His peace and His grace sustaining you in the days months and years ahead.

Still praying. Love you!!