Friday, May 2, 2008

How to Annoy a Farmer

If you really want to irritate your neighboring farmer, here are a few suggestions:
(Some of the farm's neighbors have Jason and his dad working on their people skills!)

1. If you live next to a corn field and own pigs, build a fence using one strand of barbed wire knee-high off the ground. Free hog feed! Everyone loves a bargain. When the farmer asks if you know who owns the pigs, deny any knowledge, but do request a hog for barbecuing if he happens to shoot one.

2. Trap a wild hog in the bayou. Bring it home and release it in the woods, for the joy of hunting it again later. Wild hogs love to root up freshly-planted seeds and snack on other tasty morsels in the field, but best of all, they multiply like rabbits.

3. If you cannot afford garbage pickup, dump, dump, dump on someone else’s land. Anywhere! By a tree stump! In the middle of a field! In the lane! Anything! Used paper plates. A shopping list for your BBQ bash. A Pyrex 9x13" pan. Leave junk mail with your address on it, but act clueless when the farmer bags it all and returns it to you.

4. If you cannot afford garbage pickup and have enough manners not to litter, create a giant pile of trash bags behind your house. (This one is just gross, not infringing on any property rights.)

5. Build a shed on the property line. Throw junk behind your shed.

6. If your fence, built on the property line, becomes overgrown, simply build a new fence 10 feet beyond the existing one. Let goats run between the two fences.

7. Plant your vegetable garden in the farmer’s field.

8. Dissatisfied with property boundaries? Those stakes are moveable! Or make a permanent drive 2 feet from the line, then gradually ease on over.

9. All trash will burn, including glass bottles and metal chairs. If it didn’t burn the first time, it will the second. If it still doesn’t burn, just throw the junk into the field.

10. Light your big trash fire a yard away from a wheat field that is one week away from harvest. Hey, it's your land.


heather said...

Wow....I never thought of how to intentionally annoy a farmer, but those are some really great suggestions!!

Back when we lived in Millersburg....and surrounded by fields...we did try #10. We were burning some leaves and Donovan came inside for something. Before we knew it the fire had jumped our fence, going accross the field headed for the woods at the back of the field. Thank goodness our neighbors were home and helped us stop that one.

After violating #10 the neighbors all got together and had a meeting and asked us to please move to another town.

joy said...

I apologize for finding such humor in your understandably frustrating situation. :)

Carrie said...

Oh. My.

Dude, I'm totally moving in next door and having some fun of my own...heh heh heh heh cackle cackle cackle.