Tuesday, September 13, 2011

More Memories of Quinn

What followed Quinn's death was a blur. Family members were waiting for us back in our hospital room. The nurses brought our precious girl to us, all cleaned up and ready to be held, loved and admired. She wore a little white outfit printed with soft pink angels that had been Helen's. And then our kids came. We heard their excited voices in the hall.

How do you explain death to children?

We could do nothing but tell them the truth--that she was dead. There was something very wrong with Quinn's lungs, and she couldn't breathe on her own. Her body died, and her spirit went to live with Jesus in Heaven. Their hearts were broken. We gave them their gifts from Quinn; a Leapster case for Owen that his nosiness already knew he was getting, a cute doll for Helen that she named Nicholas, and a homemade hobby horse for Jack.

Auto-pilot kicked on and we smiled for family pictures. We passed Quinn around, savoring each moment, delaying the inevitable end.

Here we are, finally holding our baby!

Some sweet moments of Daddy and his little girl.

Gene helped out with positioning. I may have been having one of many wardrobe malfunctions.Our kids couldn't wait to hold her.
Our family for a moment in time.

We treasure our pictures. It's what we have. One of the kindest things our hospital did for us was to call a photographer, whom we happened to know! I can't imagine that it was easy for Abbie to take pictures, but we were so grateful she used her talents to give us such a priceless gift.

After all of my reminiscing, I would be absolutely lying to say I'm still overcome with grief. Of course some moments are still very hard, and not a day goes by that I don't think of my little girl. But slowly, surely, I've yielded my hurt to God, trusting Him with my heart. In spite of my stubbornness, He has done amazing things in my life.

I'm letting go of bitterness.
I'm learning to empathize with others in their pain--it doesn't scare me so bad anymore.
I'm reevaluating where I find satisfaction and what really matters.
I'm realizing that my children do not belong to me, but are merely entrusted to my care for a time.
I'm gripping hard to Truth--that Jesus, the Son of God, the Creator, has overcome Death and Hell, and His power is at work in me!

Stay tuned for pictures of Quinn's one-year birthday!


Ashley said...

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story and pictures. I will never forget receiving the calls about Quinn and feeling overcome with tears and grief for you. I had known you & your family for such a very short time, but I'm sure all would agree that to know you all is to love you. God has used Quinn's life for good in so many ways already, and I'm positive that He's not finished yet.

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written! Love, Melissa

Rustin and Lynette Polinder said...

Quinn was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing those photos.

heather said...

So sorry Joyce. That is a beautiful picture of your family with Quinn, how special for the hospital to do that.

Jennifer said...

"An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth,
Then whispered as she closed the book,
'Too beautiful for Earth' "


Thank you for sharing Quinn's story. My prayers are with you and your family.

sherri said...

Joyce, I'm getting caught up with you today and it has been such a joy and blessing to read your thoughts and memories...some painful and some sweet. It's quite amazing to see what a year of healing can do to one's soul. To God be the glory! What a beautiful picture of Quinn with all your hands touching her...so priceless and sweet.