Our day began with junk food cereal and Tom and Jerry cartoons, both Saturday morning traditions around here. For the record, Marshmallow Pebbles cereal is a little too junky for my taste. I felt queasy for a long time after my bowl full.
When Jack woke up, his first words were about needing his "scoon." I peeled back the covers in his crib and found my slotted serving spoon, which apparently was his choice sleep aid last night.
I had a hard time leaving last night's memories behind. The moment the hospital came into view, dizzying emotions slammed into me. The parking lot where Jason and I had walked to get my contractions going strong was torn up, making way for new construction. A small blessing. We visited the labor and delivery wing and dropped off a beautiful white poinsettia for the desk. They hadn't forgotten us.
The grief counselor that had worked with us was finishing her shift. I handed her a blanket I sewed after Quinn was born, along with Quinn's birth announcement, to be given to the next mama that needs it.
And we held Bryce. And it was hard, but it was good.
We felt God's peace in those moments. We still trust that his peace is always near, even when we choose to ignore it and give in to despair.
5 comments:
Joyce, I love you. And I cry with you. You are showing the peace and the love of Christ in the middle of this. It is the power of Jesus that brings you strength, and that's its not something you have to muster up yourself. I wish so much you didn't have to walk through this and that Quinn and Bryce could be buddies. One day they will be, that's our promise.
The cycle of life is just so bittersweet; the shock of fresh grief combined with the joyful pangs of new birth. This Advent season I have just been reminded in so many ways of the longing for this world to be made right and whole where it is wrong and broken. Olive, Quinn, another 16-month old baby we know who needs a new heart so desperately but who's heart is doing so badly that she isn't a candidate for the transplant list, another girl we know from IN that just lost a baby with Trisomy 18, Karissa Yoder, age 19? from our area that has been in a coma for a month out in Columbus...Lord, come and make this world right. And give Joyce and Jason strength beyond their means and power while their world is still so very broken.
I adore Jack's picture with his spoon - made me laugh!!
I love the blanket you made - what a blessing to someone else.
Joyce ~ The blanket is lovely and that is truly a beautiful gesture.
Bryce's shirt is sweet too.
And of course Jack and his crazy eating utensil. ;)
I love you, sister! And am here for you . . .
Les
Joyce, I'm sure it was hard to return to the hospital once again...you were on my mind and in my prayers. I am also sure that you rejoice with Brent and Janice and that only God is supplying the amazing peace and strength that you are feeling and that pours out of your writing.
Love you and look forward to hugging you soon.
Joyce, I can't help but just cry with you today. Nothing to say but that we have an amazing savior and it is evident that you are so strong because He is so strong.
Thanks for being such an encouragement through the midst of all this.
Joyce, I want to respond but don't know what to say. I love the way you reach out, even in your own personal pain. Somehow, the love you give will grow your heart and lift it above to receive the grace and healing Jesus has for you. The blanket,the thoughts of caring that went into it and the beautiful white poinsettia speak even to my heart.
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