Thursday, October 14, 2010

The thirteenth of October marked one month since Quinn's funeral. That month lived like a year. So much of our thinking has been rearranged, and we're still unsure of ourselves, stumbling on wobbly emotional legs. I'm distrustful of myself in public. I'm relearning how to buy groceries, how to cook, how to avoid diaper ads. Some days are good, and I can tune out the immediate heartbreak. Some days are horrible and I want to give in to the grief and let it swallow me whole. Some days I feel OK, but then I meet a friend in the produce section, and instead of choosing the perfect bunch of bananas, I'm wiping my eyes again.

I find myself having a good morning, but then suddenly getting outrageously angry at small things, like the inept repair of potholes in the road. In the same vein, I might have a tearful day, feeling like I'm going to vomit the whole time, but end the day with laughter around the supper table.

People ask what they can do for us. I don't know. Bring Quinn back.

But please keep praying. Please keep using Quinn's name. Keep asking how we're doing, but be OK with an in-the-moment answer. Some times we want to talk about it, but sometimes we need to forget about the grief for a time.

11 comments:

Christine said...

I am so sorry for your loss.

Single Mom's World said...

Just want you to know I love you! Im here if you need an ear or just a warm presence. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through, but I just felt that I needed to tell you that I am here...whenever you need me :)

Kris said...

It's so hard to know what to think and feel. We'll all miss Quinn. I wish that your arms didn't have to be empty. Love - Kris

Sabrina said...

Thank you for being so real with your feelings. I am praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Continuing to pray for you and yours...I am so sorry for your loss and all of the pain you're feeling!

Love & prayers,
Eunice

heather said...

Joyce~I've been wondering how you are doing. Thank you for allowing us to walk your pain with you. I'm in awe of the consuming hurt it must feel to lose sweet Quinn, and have 3 others to still care for.

I'm praying & I love you cousin.

Grandma Ruby said...

Quinn will always be missed and we don't want to forget her. We love her. Jesus, please comfort Joyce & her family and be there for them whatever the emotion of the moment. "Does Jesus care? Oh yes, He cares. . ."

acekotasmomma said...

My heart still aches for you all! I love you guys!

Nicole said...

Joyce I am a friend of Sherri's! Even though I have never met you the Lord brings you to my mind everyday! Just know you are still in my prayers and I am so sorry for your loss. I pray for Gods peace upon you and your family!

sherri said...

There still aren't words worthy to speak compared to all you have gone through in the past month. We continue to love you and continue to pray for you and continue to miss our niece, Quinn. Thanks for sharing your heart, Joyce.

Rustin and Lynette Polinder said...

thinking of you.